#BlogtemberChallenge: Blog Mood Board

 I think today's #BlogtemberChallenge prompt is so much fun!  

"Create a collage or inspiration/mood board that describes your blog."

 

Baby, Baby: The Dark Side of a Public Online Pregnancy

Having made it more than halfway through a fairly public pregnancy, I have discovered a few things that have surprised, shocked, and dismayed me.  The world is an interesting place, to be sure, and I feel like times of transition are times when the interestingness becomes a little more apparent :-)

I am active on Instagram, using hashtags that help connect me to currently pregnant moms, moms of twins, women in the trenches of infertility, and women pregnant after infertility, and my account is public to make connecting easier.  I have also been very public about our fertility struggles, process, and treatments on my personal facebook.  The benefits of sharing in these venues have far surpassed the downfalls, but let's talk about those downfalls for a sec, shall we?  

Pregnancy Fetishists

I cannot flipping believe I am saying this... but I've been hit on when sharing pictures of my bump.  Yeah.  Fortunately, it's been pretty mild for me, but I've seen some pregnant women get a LOT worse.  I've had the occasional, creepy "gorgeous" from a random dude... you just know he's trolling the #pregnant hashtags looking at all the bellies. And then there was the poet who simply commented "Boobs belly" followed by a zillion laughing emojis.  Yes, yes, I have both of those things, and they do both seem to be growing a bit... seeing as how I'm carrying twins.  There are whole Instagram accounts dedicated to "sharing" or "featuring" pictures women have taken of their pregnant bellies, and the comments on those can get fairly aggressive.  Most pregnant moms I follow have been asked to submit their pictures to these, or if the account can go ahead and share a picture they like.  I've clicked over to see some of these accounts... a few of them seem to prefer full or mostly nudes.  

This is why in every photo you have ever seen, and will ever see, of my baby bump... I'm dressed.  I realize that when I upload photos to Instagram, I lose a degree of control over them.  While I have seen some pretty and tasteful pictures of bare pregnant bellies, and would honestly like to have some for us to keep at home, I don't want any pictures floating around of me that can be perverted in this way.  It's bad enough that I get "belly boobs" comments on fully-clothed pictures!  

Belly Boobs!

Comparisons

One of the biggest upsides to following so many twin moms-in-the-making online is that I can compare my experiences and my bump with theirs.  One of the downsides... I compare my experiences and my bump with theirs.  There's an adorable lady I follow who was 29ish weeks pregnant with twins, also after IVF, and she shared a collage of some of her bump pictures a few weeks ago.  I looked like her 24 week picture... when I was only 18 weeks.  Granted, she probably weighed about 100 pounds before she got pregnant, and I weighed, um, more than that, so we clearly have different pre-pregnancy builds.  But the temptation exists to compare our bodies in a way that has mine coming up short. And it is tempting to feel bad about that.

I think this is something that would bother me a lot more if I didn't revel and delight in every tiny growth spurt my belly has.  ;-)  I like to say that I worked HARD for this bump, and I'm going to enjoy every inch of it.  And I'm glad that I started showing early, because it maximizes the time I'll look pregnant, and what I've wanted most for five years was to look (well, BE) pregnant!  But if you're the type (as I am when not pregnant) to feel bad when you compare your figure to someone else's, you may want to reconsider tuning in to and following other pregnancies.  Seriously, this is a time for complete and utter joy... cut out anything that threatens that!

Cyberbullying

Yeah, it's not just for the kiddies.  People on the internet of ALL ages find boldness in the relative anonymity behind a keyboard, and use it to criticize any part of a person's story or self that they can.  A couple of months ago (I was about 16 weeks pregnant), I saw a picture of a young girl on Instagram, showing off a cute outfit accessorized with a certain brand's purse.  With her permission, a fan page of that brand that I follow shared it.  And one of their other followers (whose username states that she "lives to run" - sad life!) commented that "fat girls shouldn't wear high heels or skinny jeans."  This girl may have been a size 10 or 12, but she carried it well and looked phenomenal (which is beside the point - the comment was still cruel and unnecessary).  Anyway, my school counselor and impending-mom-ness kicked in, and I commented back that the tendency to tear someone down for their appearance generally reveals deep insecurities on the part of the bully.  Which was not smart... I should've left well enough alone... but I can't.  It's me.  I felt defensive of the beautiful young lady who just wanted to show off her awesome outfit.  Anyway, this bully (who looked like she could be anywhere between the ages of 30 and 60... and not healthy) told me that EVERYone loved HER body, and she could tell from my profile picture of my face that I was a fatty too.  Then she must have popped over and checked out my pictures because next came "16 weeks prego?  You look overdue!"  And she kept going and going until I could get through the steps to block and report her.  

Fortunately, I'm an adult, and have come to terms with what my body looked like pre-pregnancy, and as we've discussed, I'm overjoyed with how it looks now.  So I could file that cruelty away in the little file in my head titled "people suck."  It did put me in a funk for a few hours, and I may have cried a little - not about how I look, just about the fact that people suck and really shouldn't.  Seriously, how much harder is it to keep that junk to yourself?  And... keep in mind, this was an exchange between two adults.  I opened myself up to the bully by defending that girl, but my public profile with pregnancy photos gave her so much more ammunition to try to use against me.  Something else to consider if you choose to publicize photos or other aspects of your pregnancy... even grown-ups can attack with all the viciousness of a sixth grader, and it doesn't take much to set one off.

Overdue? :-)

 The Sensitivity Factor

This last topic probably applies more to the infertility community than the general pregnancy community, but it is the one that really shook and hurt me, so it's worth mentioning.  I think we all can understand that reading pregnancy announcements and updates can be pretty brutal for those who are in the midst of a fertility battle.  I've written about it myself several times.  I've been there.  And I know that not everyone is as "out" as I am about their infertility, so I knew that there were likely people I was friends with on social media that were going through their own private battles that I knew nothing about.  I'm also a fairly nice person, so it was important to me that I try everything in my power to mitigate the pain that any of those friends would feel if our IVF was successful.  I made an announcement long before it was time to test that I would be announcing a positive OR negative result on a certain date, and not before.  I explained that this was so anyone who needed to could unfollow me, hide me from their newsfeed, or just prepare their hearts for the possibility of a pregnancy announcement on that date.  I've never seen anyone else do this, but it was so, so important to me to try to protect my infertile "sisters," and this was the best way I could think of to do it.  I personally have hidden a lot of people from my newsfeed while they were pregnant, so I know that this is a really effective way to protect yourself from things you don't want to see!  

Unfortunately, at least one of my friends didn't see the announcement or didn't do anything about it.  A couple of months ago, she sent me several facebook messages that broke my heart for the obvious hurt behind them.  She accused me of being insensitive to my friends who are still trying or may never be successful in having children, which absolutely devastated me.  I tried so hard to be sensitive in advance of our announcement... I do post a lot of little pregnancy observations and bump pictures and nursery progress pictures... but I hoped that the people who would find those painful would have taken my advice before I was pregnant.  Or at least hidden me once it got to be too painful.  The second-to-last thing I want is to hurt anyone... but the VERY last thing I want is to hide my joy over a pregnancy that was never sure to happen, is high-risk, and is likely my only one ever.  

So I guess I'm trying to say that if you're getting ready to announce a pregnancy, realize you may inadvertently hurt somebody.  And if you keep posting updates, you may continue to hurt somebody.  But there are ways they can protect themselves, and they should know them.  Celebrate your joy, try to keep complaints to a minimum when you can... if you see an opportunity to be extra-gentle (like if everyone knows you're doing an embryo transfer, use my strategy. Or ask your infertile friend what would be the easiest/least painful way for them to find out.) take that opportunity... And if someone calls you out on your "insensitivity," try not to take it personally, remember the pain behind that response, and perhaps kindly recommend that they unsubscribe or unfollow you.  (I'm mostly talking online friendships here... in-person interactions are a little different, and you might need to limit your pregnancy talk.  But that's a whole 'nother blog!)

Thanks for reading the world's longest blog entry!  I hope I've given you some food for thought when it comes to how much/whether to share your pregnancy online, what pitfalls to expect, and how to mitigate them :-)  Have you shared details of your pregnancy online?  Did you regret it?  Are there any potential pitfalls I missed? 

BarBABYdos, Part 2: SUCCESS!

Ethan and I are elated to announce that not only am I pregnant...

I'm pregnant with TWINS!!  

We found out we were expecting about 2 weeks ago, and told our family and some of our closest friends in the following several days.  I baked these positive pregnancy test due date cookies for Ethan to take to his coworkers...

We got to see our babies for the first time yesterday... we saw both tiny heartbeats flickering away.  Unbelievable, beautiful, exciting!!  Baby A is a little smaller than Baby B, and the heartbeat is a little bit slower, so we would appreciate prayers that both babies keep developing and growing!

We've tried explaining to Charley that he will have two more people to love on soon...

...but he just seems overwhelmed with how much we have to learn :-)

 

Thank you all for the encouragement and prayers through our infertility and IVF journey.  We appreciate you all so much!  Please stick around as we transition from a family of three into a family of five!

Embryo Transfer Day!

It's a little overwhelming to sit down to write this... so many details that I want to get just right, both for information purposes, and so we'll always remember :-)

On Tuesday (Day 3), we got a call from Natalia at the lab, telling us that we still had 10 growing embryos.  Two of the three that had been behind the day before had caught up, and one of the others was surging ahead. (Ethan and I were really excited about that, but Dr. Skinner told us today that fast, early growth is not as good a sign as it sounded like.)  We each got a massage, then spent a lot of the afternoon on the balcony of our hotel room, talking about baby names and making lists of some names we like.  It's obviously SUPER-early, but it's a lot of fun to dream about! 

Yesterday (Wednesday, Day 4), Natalia called again to tell us that our transfer would be at 1:45 today.  I asked how our embryos were doing, and she explained that there is a lot of changing going on on Day 4, so they don't check on them... leave them alone, let them do their thang :-) We had our favorite cab driver, RC, drive us out to Bathsheba beach.  He gave us a great tour of the island along the way, and we got to see quite a bit that we hadn't managed to see last cycle.  Then we spent a couple of hours on the beach... I hunted sea glass, and actually found quite a bit!  Found my first pieces ever... I'm absolutely hooked on it!  There was this one really pretty piece of white/clear glass, I saw it, and heard a wave rolling in. I reached for it like a flash, just as the wave crashed into my back and washed out the spot where the glass had been.  But it was already safe and sound in my hand... it was such a rush!!  I love it!!!   Finding sea glass gives me an extra little kick of optimism for this cycle, since I have grown attached to the metaphor of the little treasures to our struggle. 

We went to bed fairly late last night, and were just starting to wake up this morning when Natalia called again.  They had already chosen our embryos, and as soon as they have chosen, they like to get them into their mother as quickly as possible, so they moved my transfer up to 11AM!  We called RC and asked him to pick us up earlier, and got ready quickly.  We got to the clinic at about 9:40, and I had 45 minutes of acupuncture to get the blood flowing to my uterus and to relax me.  And y'all... I was relaxed. Walking straight lines was kind of tough. 

We met with Dr. Skinner in her office, and she showed us our official fertilization reports.  We were THRILLED to see that we had two gorgeous embryos - grades 3AA and 3AB.  These were the two they had decided to transfer :-)  Sadly, four of our embryos had "arrested" or stopped growing.  Apparently, when there is a lot of early growth, that is not uncommon.  The remaining four embryos were a little behind, but they are giving them another day to catch up.  If any of them get to the blastocyst stage tomorrow, they will be frozen for a future transfer.  Ethan and I understood this part differently... he thought she said those four are likely to make it, I thought she said it was unlikely.  I guess we'll find out tomorrow!  

Ethan found this great explanation from Oregon Reproductive Medicine of what happens between Days 3 and 5, and why Day 5 transfers are so preferable.  As sad as we are to have lost our four arrested embryos, we know that these are the ones that would have never matured to the point in me to have even started to implant.  By culturing them out to Day 5, we gave them their best chance, and us the best chance of having a living child or two.  

From there, Dr. Skinner walked with us back to the operating theatre, where we met with Emma - the nurse who took care of me before and after my retrieval.  She instructed us to put on awesome blue booties and hats, and had me put on a hospital gown.  When I was done, we all walked back to the little operating room... I got into the usual position and Ethan sat on a stool near my head. The whole actual transfer took just a couple of minutes... we got to watch via ultrasound as Dr. Skinner slipped a catheter into my uterine cavity, measured it, and chose her spot.  Then the lab handed her our embryos through a little window, and we got to see the little "blip" on the screen as the droplet containing our two precious babies landed in my uterus.  Emma printed the picture right at the point, and circled the drop for us :-)  Then, of course, the historian and blogger had to take pics for the baby book ;-)  

I chilled out on my back while Emma went over my post-transfer meds and instructions, then I got up gingerly - so aware of who I was carrying! - and went upstairs for my post-transfer acupuncture.  As we left the clinic, and hugged everyone for the last time for (hopefully) a few years, I had an overwhelming sense of peace and optimism.  I'm really amazed at how calm I am!  It all just feels very right, and very good. 

We fly home in the morning... we can't wait to love on our furry firstborn, hug his grandparents, and settle into our home and routine to wait out the twelve days until I'm allowed to "POAS" (pee on a stick - crude, but effective infertile shorthand, haha)!!

Thank you all so much for the love and support!  Now, as Dr. Skinner said... "It's all up to them."  I hope these little darlings stick around... we're so in love with them already!! 

Very Important Announcement About Announcing!

Ethan and I have given a lot of thought to the questions of how and when we are going to announce a pregnancy, and we've come up with a plan we wanted to share now, ahead of transfer.

To our reckoning, this cycle can end one of three ways: 

1. We can't transfer for some bizarre, unforeseen reason.
2. We transfer and the embryos don't "stick." Also known in fertility blogging world as a "BFN" - a big fat negative pregnancy test. 
3. I get pregnant. (That's fun to type!)

In the case of the first outcome, we would want to share right away, so we can document whatever new plans we make and those decision-making processes. In the case of the second outcome, we would be prone to telling people earlier than in the case of a baby on the way, for the support and again, to be able to document our next steps. If I am pregnant, we would want to wait until I was 6-8 weeks along before putting anything on the blog or other social media, so we could share the news with our close friends and family first. 

But this leaves a conundrum for those who've chosen (and been lucky enough) to share a journey like this with so many people. If my two-week-wait has come and gone, and we haven't said anything, the automatic assumption would be that we are expecting, and being coy about it :-) If someone asks before we're ready to tell, and we say something to brush it off or put it off, it would be the same assumption. 

So our plan is to announce outcome 1 if it happens, as soon as it happens, which would be Thursday. We are not anticipating this at ALL, but we also weren't expecting to not transfer last time, either! For outcomes 2 and 3, we will announce on social media on October 18, when I will hopefully be 6 weeks pregnant, after we've called and visited the people we want to know first. 

Making these plans might make me sound a little full of myself - like the world is waiting with baited breath to hear about the occupant/s of my uterus, I know. But I have my reasons! I'm hoping that having a set announcement date will help us handle the questions we'll probably get, but I also want to give fair warning to any infertility friends who may follow me here, on Facebook, or on Instagram. I know ALL TOO WELL how a pregnancy announcement - even one you're sort of expecting - can feel when you're waiting to make a announcement of your own. This way, anyone who wants to guard against a possible "trigger" can follow up through the end of our trip, and have a couple of weeks to do what they need to do to protect your heart. You won't have to worry about a surprise before that day, and you can avoid my social media presence if you're having a "down" day... pop over when you're feeling strong, I'll still be here! 

Thank you all for all of the prayers for our successful trip, and for loving Ethan, me, and our future kids so much! 

BarBABYdos, Take 2: Baseline and Lining Check Ultrasounds

Last week I had my baseline ultrasound for our FET.  It went smoothly... no cysts, and my lining showed that I was at the very beginning of my cycle, just like it was supposed to.  

Yesterday was a lining check ultrasound, which was the second of three appointments I had made for ultrasounds.  The third was for this coming Thursday, and was dependent on the results of yesterday's.  Happily, when I told Anna how thick my lining was (10.9 mm), she told me to go ahead and cancel that appointment!  In her words, "It doesn't get any better than this!"  Yippee!!!  I took cookies with me to yesterday's appointment, to thank the office staff for taking such good care of me.  All of the extra orders and prescription-writing I've needed from them has really been above and beyond the call of duty!  So they got Almond Joy Chocolate Chip Cookies (from Six Sisters' Stuff) and Quadruple Chocolate Soft Fudgy Pudding Cookies (from Averie Cooks)! 

I am to keep on Lupron for two more days, then switch to having Ethan give me the dreaded Progesterone in oil shots at night.  These will continue through transfer, and I think through my two-week-wait?  I also start Doxycycline and Bromocriptine (aka Bromokryptonite) on Friday, which will also continue through transfer.  :-) 

I spoke with my maternal-fetal medicine specialist (high risk obstetrician)'s office last week, to see when they wanted to see me.  Typically, an RE follows a patient through the first trimester of her pregnancy, then passes her back to her regular ob/gyn, but since my RE is in another country, I needed a slightly altered plan.  They said to see Dr. Altman, my regular ob/gyn, for my betas and the rest of first trimester (or at least through week 8), and that he'd hand me off when he thought it was time.  So, yay for that much of a plan! 

BFC is very much oriented toward positive thinking, and I find myself feeling generally more positive and optimistic as their patient than I used to feel before finding them.  But every once in a while, I catch myself being absolutely CERTAIN that I will be pregnant in just over a week, and it scares me.  I was fairly certain last time, too... what if it doesn't work this time, either?  I know that if I'm certain, and I'm wrong, the pain will be even worse.... I am terrified of having to pick up pieces of a shattered heart again, and honestly can't picture myself finding strength to do this all again after another disappointment.  Please pray for peace and courage for Ethan and me....

SEEN Gathering September Post

I have a new blogging adventure of sorts!  I am proud and excited to be a contributing blogger (and the Pinterest guru - yes, that's the official title... and yes, I chose it!) over at SEEN Gathering.  This is a ministry dreamt up and created by my dear friend Rebecca of Caravan Sonnet for young people with chronic illnesses (we call them "Chronicittles"). I'd love for you to go explore the space - lots of cool stuff already, and even more in the plans - and check out the blog (the blog is hosted at .com, the rest of the awesomeness is at .org!).  Today is my first monthly blog contribution there, and I'm hoping that this outreach helps comfort and encourage the Chronicittles out there! 

BarBABYdos, Take 2: FET So Far (Lupron and BCPs)

While there isn't a whole lot of exciting stuff to report on the FET front right now, I wanted to pop in and just give y'all an idea of what I've been doing to prepare for the end of the month.  

I'd been back on birth control, since right after my IVF cycle  (until this past Wednesday).  It's not always used with an FET, but it helps prevent cysts, and also lets us plan my dates... which is pretty useful when your embryo transfer will take place a few plane rides away :-)  This round of pills went better than some rounds in the past.  I didn't gain any additional weight on it, but it made me a little crankier than usual and I needed to increase my insulin.  

On August 29, I started taking Lupron.  I'd heard about the infamous Lupron headache, but wasn't all that worried about it.  So I gave myself my shot in the morning, subcutaneously in my thigh, like I was instructed to do.  I've never had great luck giving myself shots in the leg, because my legs are fairly muscular and I can't "pinch an inch" of skin/fat on them (not a problem on any other part of my body, haha).  Almost instantly, I had a big knot in my leg, it was hot and red and burned and throbbed, and I was scared!  I fired off an email to Anna and asked if I could try taking them in my hip or the back of my arms (both places I am quite used to putting sub-q needles), in case that might help with the pain.  Her colleague who was answering her emails suggested my lower abdomen (below my belly button), so I decided I'd try that the next morning. 

Within 20 minutes, the knot had peaked, and it was gone in an hour and a half.  But I got nauseated and woozy and wobbly and felt just generally crummy.  I knew I needed to eat something for blood sugar purposes, so I nibbled on some Ritz crackers.  Almost instantly felt better!!  

So the next morning, I ate a little bit of breakfast before I gave myself the Lupron in my belly.  Problems solved!  Just the tiniest little itchy reaction for about 10 minutes, no nausea.  I did end up with a migraine that night, but just the one.  I've taken the rest of my shots just like that, and I've only had low-grade headaches and some drowsiness.  It's definitely messing with my sleep - I wake up several times a night and don't feel rested in the mornings... I tell myself it's good practice for having a newborn ;-)  It's not pleasant, but it's definitely manageable.  

Tomorrow morning, I decrease my Lupron dose, and go for my baseline ultrasound. I also start Estrace and my low-dose aspirin :-) 

BarBABYdos: The Aftermath

 

Ethan and I have been home from Barbados for a couple of weeks now.  He went back to work (and I went back to housewifing) a week ago today... life is mostly transitioning back to normal.

While in the middle of OHSS, we were told that everything would be better when my period started, and we fortunately found this to be very true.  However, the second full day was a bloodbath.  Seriously... terrifying, horrifying, slasher-film stuff!  Emotionally, it was pretty brutal, too.  A large part of that was probably hormones, because my emotions swung wildly and without warning.  But another part was definitely that we had to go buy pads.  I had all but run my supply out with my last pre-IVF period, blissfully thinking that it was perfect timing - I wouldn't have to store them for a whole pregnancy!  It hurt... a lot... to pick a pack up off the shelf at Kroger.  I'm actually lucky I got the kind I wanted, because I could barely bring myself to look at them enough to make sure they were the right ones!  Just grabbed them, tossed them in the cart, and started daydreaming about chocolate chip cookies. ;-)

Leaving Barbados was heart-rending.  I cried like a baby on takeoff, until the island disappeared from sight.  When we landed there, we were so full... of eggs, of hope, of confidence... as we were leaving, I felt so empty of all those same things. Now, we're focusing on our return trip in a couple of months.  There's a little less planning and logistics involved, but still enough to keep us busy and mostly distracted ;-)  

I'm back on BCPs (birth control pills) for our FET cycle, and as usual, they're making my moods swing a little worse than usual.  I haven't noticed weight gain again yet, but it's only been about a week ;-)  I think that week of not being able to hold more than a few bites of food every several hours helped get rid of some of the old BCP weight... not that that is a pleasant/safe/advisable way to diet at ALL, but hey - silver linings. :-)

In other non-fertility news, we're keeping my in-laws' pup, Dixie, for a week.  She is SUCH a funny little critter, so we're having a blast.  It IS an interesting glimpse into life with a baby and a toddler, though... I'm thinking we'll try to space our future FETs out a bit... ;-)

BarBABYdos: Day 7: Egg Retrieval

I woke up as late as I could the morning of my egg retrieval (since I was fasting and tend to get “hangry”), got ready in no time flat, and we called a taxi to take us to the clinic.  I was super-nervous, but I also felt determined.  I had made it this far, all that was left was to take a nice, drug-induced nap while Dr. Skinner retrieved eggs from my hugely swollen ovaries.  Piece of cake!

Once there, we were taken back to curtained pre/post-op area, and I changed into the all-too-familiar, even in a foreign country, surgery garb: a blue gown, blue hair net, and blue mesh booties.  Good thing blue is my favorite color!  Of course, I was also wearing the earrings I’ve worn to every appointment down here… my sperm and egg. 

The theatre nurse, Emma, kept us in stitches while she checked me in and took my vitals.  Dr. Skinner did a quick check of (I’m guessing) my lungs to make sure I was safe to sedate, and told us what to expect as far as how long I’d be in, when Ethan could see me, and how long I’d be in recovery.  

I wasn’t separated from Ethan until I walked from my curtain to the operating room, which I really appreciated.  Lynn was the surgery assistant, and she kept up a pleasant stream of chitchat while she made sure I was comfortable on the table and in the stirrups (the ones that you place your calf in, instead of your heel… love that!).  Dr. Skinner came in and took up the conversation, keeping me smiling and otherwise focused while she slipped an IV into my vein faster and smoother than ANYone EVER has.  Lynn placed an oxygen mask over my face, Dr. Skinner started injecting into the IV, I got a really weird taste in my mouth, coughed a little bit and cracked a joke about it, and the last thing I remember is chuckling with my doctor. 

I cannot stress how different that was from every other surgical experience I have ever had.  I told Ethan I usually feel more like a surface being prepped than a human patient, like the counter a cook wipes down before they start chopping ingredients.  But everyone at BFC from the moment I got there answered questions, joked, encouraged and did whatever else needed done to make me feel absolutely comfortable and valued.  

I woke up a couple of times and remember little bits of each time, just enough to feel like déjà vu when I woke up for real :-) Apparently I told Ethan each time how great Dr. Skinner is!  I guess I also read my texts like they were new each time, too.  When I woke up for real, I was hurting.  Quite a bit.  It felt about as bad as one of my worst cysts popping, and I mostly spoke in whimpers and asked repeatedly when I could have pain medicine.  It came soon enough, and I woke up enough to be able to converse semi-intelligently. 

That’s when Anna came in, which delighted us, because we love us some Anna Hosford!  She incredibly gently explained to us that our transfer would have to be delayed, and gave us enough information to start processing it as a couple.  She came back a little bit later, when we had talked and processed and had some questions articulated, and did one of the things we love her for… she gave us a plan.  She gave us a plan to get through the night, then scheduled an appointment for us the next morning to come up with the rest of the plan.  The compassion for our heartbreak from both Anna and Emma was unbelievable, and I choke up a little thinking about it now, four days later.  

We knew ahead of time that my ovaries were hyperstimulated, and that it had the potential to get worse.  I knew from my time on the internet that cycles were sometimes canceled because of it.  We are so thankful that our cycle was not canceled before retrieval, because while I deal with immense bloating, shooting pains, cramping, nausea, and shortness of breath, I can comfort myself with the fact that we have 23 beautiful, mature eggs frozen at the clinic, waiting for us to return for an FET.  

We have stayed in Barbados for additional monitoring, as ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS) can get extremely serious and require draining or even hospitalization in the most severe cases, and we will be returning home when we were originally scheduled.  I have stayed in bed most of the last four days, and am on strong pain killers to deal with the OHSS.  (I am fairly sure my procedure pain was almost gone by the next morning!)  I have had one ultrasound follow-up, and my OHSS is still considered mild, as I do not have much fluid free-floating in my abdomen.  She could find my massive, fluid-filled ovaries almost up to my belly button… they’re definitely not supposed to be up that high!

All things considered, I’m okay.  We are planning a brief return trip to Barbados when my body has had time to heal.  A silver lining is that my body will not have been through such a recent trauma like stimulation and retrieval when our precious embryos are transferred back into me.  

So, this chapter of the BarBABYdos story is ending.  The next one begins in September.  Stay tuned :-) 

BarBABYdos: Day 4: Finalized Schedule

I had my last ultrasound yesterday morning.  All of my follicles are growing right along, and enough of them are big enough that we went ahead and scheduled my last round of meds and my egg retrieval.

Retrieval is Monday, at 9:30 in the morning (please be praying!).  Last night, Ethan gave me my last intramuscular injection (of ELEVEN!  Can we take a moment and give him a round of applause?  He is a champ!) of hMG and FSH, and I gave myself my last shot of Cetrotide.  Tonight, I am to give myself Ovidrel (hCG – “finishes” the ripening eggs) at precisely 9:30 pm, and start taking Bromocriptine orally as well.  I’m super-excited for tonight, because the Ovidrel should be my last shots… hopefully ever, considering how many follicles I have this time.  I’d love to come back to Barbados Fertility Centre for an FET (or a few), get as many kids as these eggs will get us, and never have to stim again.  Stimming stinks!

Yesterday and today, I have been exhausted and achy.  Today, I’ve been nauseated off and on, but I’m not sure all of this is entirely IVF-related.  Travel can be rough on a body, and I’d say we’ve had enough going on to justify a good bit of fatigue ;-)  Our exciting vacation-y plan for the rest of the day is to keep doing what we’ve done all day – nothing.  Tomorrow, we want to go back to the grocery store so we have enough stuff stocked to get us through retrieval recovery, and we need to do laundry.  The hazard of traveling for long periods of time – at some point, you have to do boring grown-up stuff!