When I started this blog, I envisioned a place where I could connect with friends, family, and customers... I wanted to share my heart, my life, and projects or products that I thought people who love me or my jewelry would find helpful, fun, or inspiring.
I knew that I was diabetic, and that there is a diabetes online community out there, and I hoped that I could connect with supporters and make new friends, using my blog.
I also knew that I was infertile and hoped to be able to share the heartaches and hopes - as well as the medical journey - that goes along with it. I didn't realize at the time how big of an infertile community there is in the blogosphere, but I wanted to be a voice that others could seek out and identify with. That really seems to be the most comforting thing about this community - the realization that you are not the first or only to experience anything. Every time I have a new procedure or start a new medication, I venture out into blogland and find a handful of other people whose blogs give me some hint of what to expect, and I had hoped to be a similar encouragement to another anonymous 3am blog-searcher.
I asked a lot of this blog. And of myself. I knew I wasn't good at sticking with things like this, thanks to my barely controlled ADHD (and, just, easily exhausted inspiration). But I wanted to give it a try. Frankly, the fact that I still know how to FIND my own blog is progress, for me ;-)
Anyway. I have reached a point in my infertile journey that I am just not as comfortable sharing as I thought I would be. I'm just not anonymous or safe enough here. And as this issue is pretty central to my identity at the moment, I haven't felt like I can share much of who I am. Above ALL, I want my blog to be authentic and honest - and authentic and honest is not pretty right now. I am discouraged, tired, heartbroken, and increasingly bitter.
I have friends who are complainers. They complain about something or another on facebook multiple times a day. And it irritates me. I don't want to be irritating by complaining here! I feel guilty enough about all of the emotional support I have asked of my husband and closest friends lately. I feel selfish - I recently went, like, 2 weeks without talking to one of my best friends, because I am so wrapped up in our own drama.
Of course, our life is by no means bad or miserable - there are definite ups, but many of those are also rather personal. Sharing only the ups would show a very skewed picture of myself, and that does not feel honest.
I don't want this to be a negative place, but I do want to get in the habit of posting more consistently. So please forgive me if this blog temporarily becomes a little bit... impersonal. I will try to post updates about the shop (ooh! And one exciting development that I think I've forgotten to share here!), maybe a recipe here and there. But I am removing the self-imposed pressure to be open about my health and feelings. I just can't, right now. I know I've been completely absent for quite a while, so I thought y'all deserved a bit of an explanation. Thanks for sticking around, and for reading what just might be my most rambling post ever :-)